Refused

When Sierra was a newborn, we struggled with breastfeeding. A lot. It was an awful three weeks of my life and there was a lot of frustration and guilt and tears and a whole host of other feelings and emotions. I was determined, though, and luckily I had a midwife who had been a lactation consultant and a friend who had been through something similar and offered a very helpful suggestion. I also benefited from hiring an additional lactation consultant and a very supportive husband who helped tremendously when the going was rough. Finally, when Sierra was nearly three weeks old, she breastfed successfully for the first time. We've been going strong ever since. Twenty-two months and 5 days (minus those first weeks). Until yesterday.

I have nursed Sierra nearly every night for the entirity of her life. And every morning. And just before her nap. It used to be a lot more, but we've been down to 2-3 times/day for the past couple months. Yesterday morning, she didn't ask for milk when she woke up. When she was sleepy at nap time, she took about two sucks and then stopped. She asked for milk at bedtime: "Mauck. Mauck" is how it sounds, but when I offered it to her, she just licked my nipple for a little bit and was finished. This morning was the same deal; she didn't even ask. I lay down with her to take a nap this afternoon, and she asked for milk once but then got distracted before I had a chance to offer it to her. Then there was bedtime this evening. We went through the routine: bath, play under the covers, diaper and pj's, brushing teeth. I asked her if she wanted milk and she said "mauck, mauck." So I sat down in the rocking chair to nurse her. But as soon as I offered, she said, "Nooo!" and pulled my shirt back down. I rocked her and we cuddled and I sang to her, and then she went to sleep. Without nursing. For the first time that I can remember.

I don't know if this sudden aversion to breastfeeding is because Sierra has a stuffy nose and it's just difficult to breastfeed or if my supply or the flavor is changing because I'm pregnant, or if she's just no longer interested. I'm not ready to say "we're done" just yet, but it's possible that we're heading that way. It's a little sad, really. Another step toward growing up.